What Lies Ahead

This afternoon we needed some down time between church service in the morning and The Festival of Lessons and Carols in the evening, in which Nathan and I are performing as members of the bell choir. I’ve really wanted to participate in the service, but it has caused me a great deal of anxiety and stress figuring out the logistics of who will care for the boys and where, and how we are going to do it all with a three week old. I will frankly just be glad when it is all over and my baby is back in my arms. Hopefully I will still be able to enjoy the service while I am there and not just worry the whole time.

We needed some down time so we allowed the boys to watch Ratatouille. At one point in the film, Remy, a rat and one of the main characters gets separated from his family and gets advice from an unlikely source. Remy is told, “If you only think about what you have left behind you will never be able to see what lies ahead.”

Even though it is just a kids movie, I feel like that was very timely advice for me today.

Tomorrow Nathan will return to work after three weeks of family leave. While I know I am perfectly capable of caring for my three boys on my own, the prospect of actually doing it is daunting. I have found myself thinking a lot about “before” and how good we had it. We had a nice routine going. Both boys were doing well. I had some personal time and was more well rested. It’s easier to dwell on the past than to try to figure out how our new routines and new way of life will be.

But as Remy finds in Ratatouille, it was good advice. There will be so many better things ahead of us. Once I realize I’ve been in that pattern of thinking I feel so guilty because Caleb has only added love and light to our family. Despite all the difficulty that comes with caring for a newborn, it is more than worth it. Onward and upward for us. I just have to keep reminding myself to look for what lies ahead.

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